I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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