you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
