puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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