My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
