Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
