On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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