i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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