You're my little dorito
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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