People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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