He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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