and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
