I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
