her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
