Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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