I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
