so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
