I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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