Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think your dad took our porno
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
