just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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