Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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