omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
