you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
