You're my little dorito
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
