Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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