all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
