My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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