i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
