i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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