just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Randomize
