can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
