i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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