I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
