You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
