i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
