thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
