I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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