Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
