he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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