tell your sister to shave her snatch
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
