The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize