The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
