so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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