Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
