covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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