Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
