capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
