I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
