So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
