My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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