dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
false alarm, still single
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
