Me too!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i need some magic done to my vagina
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
