I cannot find my penis.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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