yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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