you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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