Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Can Purell be used as lube?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
