I wish I could punch you in the face.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
so much tequila, so little girl.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
