I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
