i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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