Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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