They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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