Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
