She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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