Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
