i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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