Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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