im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
