I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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