I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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