Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
