i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
