I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize