my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
is it fun? or sober?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
