he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
