try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
