Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
