So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
