Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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