there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
