You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
