So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
