So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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