What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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