Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
