we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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