Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
