yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Girls should come with a carfax report
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize