exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
