I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize