Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
