I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
