was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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