y did u give ur computer a hand job?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
