did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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