you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
