What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
