is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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