Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
