I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize