And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
