there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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