U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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