The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
