my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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