I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
