From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
