I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
