he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
